2018 taught me how to listen. to my heart, to my mind, to my body, to my people. how to sit with God’s plans and just breathe. how to tell myself to ‘let this man love you’ and ‘let the light in’. how to ask for prayer and ask for help. how to let myself be surprised. how to go to church when there isn’t service and sit in His house. how to feel fear without becoming consumed by it. how to refuse anger to sit in my bones. how to continue adulting with fault. how to give old words new meaning. how to give a fuck and save a fuck for more magical shit and people that set my soul on fire. how to love and be loved and be love. how to find the happiness i’d pretended long to have. how to step back and away and choose when to return. how to come home. how to be powerful.
2018, you were difficult. you hurt and i cried, but you reminded me that places i kiss can turn to gold. thank you for this year of growth and strength and love and so many ‘i didn’t know i could get up after falling’ moments. 2019, i’m still coming home to myself. be gentle with me.